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View Full Version : The Circus of my life



ruziska
04-24-2012, 09:16 AM
The circus of my life just added a new act. My daughter (19) announced on Friday she was getting married on Sunday. So Friday night was spent getting a dress (yay for gorgeous lace summer dress $26). Saturday I spent getting flowers and putting bouquets and such together. Met fiance's parents for the first time Saturday night. Sunday evening she got married. His family took care of facilities and food. Yes, it was a "shotgun" wedding. She's due sometime November? Yes, at least he married her. Yes, they are "in love". Yet not even a week ago she was ready to kick him out and raise the baby by herself rather than put up with him. I personally, even though I've tried and prayed, do not like him. He's good to her, he loves her and that's what matters right? He's also extremely racist. He also does not know how to say please and thank you. He has the audacity to TELL me what he wants me to do rather than ask. Yeah, that flies like a lead balloon. We WILL be talking about that one. He was dumb enough to call me last night and tell me to do something for him. I wasn't feeling well (thanks to lupus flare) and told him he will have to wait until the next day. Oh my, well, um, that just won't do! I told him to suck it up. Oh darling daughter, I had such hopes and dreams for her...

tripLexie
04-24-2012, 09:32 AM
I'm sorry to hear about how terrible he is to you! I hope she see's his true colors soon.

But, if she's 19.. Chances are she's stubborn and isn't going to budge. I'm 20, and though I am not the wisest, I remember similar experiences with my mother and even my dad. I wasn't going taking any advice from anyone- and I always fell flat on my face. Sometimes we've got to learn through the school of hard knocks.

Seems like that's the only school that works for me hehe!

Marine wife
04-24-2012, 10:06 AM
Wow that is a quick wedding! I hope her marriage works out. And he has no right to talk to you like that. I just hope he doesn't start talking to your daughter like that. Congratulations on becoming a grandma!

SleepyInSeattle
04-24-2012, 01:35 PM
Wow - you sound resigned to it all and also like you basically have your head on straight about it - wish your daughter did, too.
I wish them the best, though it sounds like the odds are not great. You never know...

The baby him/herself, of course, is a joy, regardless of the circumstances....so congratulations on that!!!

And thank goodness that despite the situation, you are staying part of your daughter's life...I am guessing she will need you around in the coming years, for better or for worse.

And your son-in-law will learn you're not a push-over eventually. Sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do! I could not stand the racism...it'd be very hard for me to keep from smacking the words out of his mouth for that stuff - and I sure wouldn't want my grandkid growing up around those attitudes. That's a tough one. But children sometimes soften peoples' attitudes and bring out the best in them. Maybe he's just never had any decent examples in his own life. Maybe the good things your daughter sees in him will grow along with the baby.

Best wishes to you all, and try not to stress too much....and take care of yourself!!!

leaann
04-24-2012, 03:25 PM
Well I can completely understand what you are going through when my daughter was 18 she married this kid I didn't like and well they stayed married about 11 months. He loved her and she loved him but they just didn't see eye to eye. I didn't care for him much and now I really don't like him, cause after they divorced he became a stalker and went nuts. I wish you better luck then what I had. I wish kids would learn not to get married until that are at least 25 years old. It would be so easy.

steve.b
04-24-2012, 08:55 PM
i have seen babies turn a big ##### into a real nice father.

lets hope your new son in law has the same turn around.

congratulations grandma.
it is the greatest joy... being a grandparent.
i have 4 grandkids and love my time with them.
it is a very wearing time. but i love it.

magistramarla
04-24-2012, 09:14 PM
Hey Rita,
Congratulations on becoming a grandma - it's the greatest.
I've been there, done that with the awful guys. Kayla had a baby with one of those, but never married him. She kept leaving him and then going back to give him another chance. He's another one who is a racist and tries to order everyone around. He finally went too far and she got her own place, with the help of her big sister and us. She's now happily engaged to a great guy who treats her right and loves her little boy. She's still dealing with the jerk on custody - no fun.
My youngest married a guy who seemed OK at first, but has been ranting some horrible racist and misogynistic stuff on his Facebook. My husband unfriended him on FB because he was so exasperated with him. I've stopped using FB because he upset me so much. Meg doesn't see anything wrong with what he's saying, and they will soon move to Germany. Like you, I hope for the best. I'm hoping that living in another culture, far away from the influence of his family will mature the guy. If not, Meg may be in for a rude awakening later in life.
I met my sweet hubby just before I celebrated my 17th birthday (he was almost 18). We were married when I was 19, and we've been very happily married ever since. I guess that I just got really, really lucky.
Hold your own with the jerk, but enjoy that baby!
Hugs,
Marla

debbie-b
04-25-2012, 03:13 AM
Wouldn't it be nice, if we could choose our sons-in-law?
It is possible, that the baby will make him a better person.
Well I guess, he is trying, to see how far he can go with you, but since you can't be pushed around, he will stop trying. I hope, your daughter will do the same.
When our kids get married, all we can hope for, is that they made the right choice.
How old is he?
Enjoy being a grandma, it's the best.

Debbie

Codi98
04-25-2012, 03:34 AM
I cant even begin to imagine what that feels like as a mom! I give all the moms on here a huge round of applause! ! Mom life is hard enough with out a disease. Now im close to your daughters age im 21 and i look back and know thhere was at one point a guy that i wouuldve done the same thing with which imm glad i didnt cause now i have the mmost amazing boyfriend ( hope to soon to be finance) thats helping me through the toughest part of my life. After the first guy people kept trying to say everything happens for a reason. Hopefullyy with the baby the reasons will become more clear! Best of luck