04-23-2012, 08:24 AM
Im sorry if this is TMI, but I need to express what I'm feeling before I explode. My mom is my best friend, we talk daily and she spends most weekends with me at my home. Back on October my dad or sperm donor who's been in and out of drugs since I can remember beat the crap out of my mom and put a butcher knife to her throat!!!! She didn't want to tell me back then because she was afraid I would flare, but she didn't have a choice as the police made her tell me because she was getting a restraining order against him. Mind you she did all this on her own, without barely knowing any english, and having any moral support. She's been pretty strong about not taking him back all these months. Up unitl this weekend I found out that's hes been back home. I went off on her, I've never yelled at my mom the way I did that night. Every emotion that had been bottled up since I was a kid came out. The next morning she came over to talk to me and I told her I was so angry at her, I didn't even want to talk to her. I also told her that she knows better than anybody that I should avoid stress. I had decided to cut my dad out my life when this incident happened and I told her that anyone that didn't contribute any good to my life and caused drama was out. I dared to tell her that the same goes for her as she's decided to take him back, I will not be able to be at peace if I call her and she doesn't answer; my first thought would be that he's killed her. Deep down Im afraid either she's going to eventually snap and kill him or hes going to kill her. Im so fed up of this, I've been traumatized by him ever since I can remember, I hate who he's become and what he's done to our family. It's killing me that I told my mom that, she' left my house in tears and my husband and kids don't want to support my decision, becuase my mom is such a good, loving and forgiving person. but damn why does it hurt so much that I need to think of myself for once, and don't want to have stress in my life right now. I don't know how to handle this situation it's been two days and I miss her terrilby and I have not been able to sleep. Last night every joint in my body hurted and know Im sitting at my desk staring into space because I cant get anything done. She was suppose to go to Puerto Rico with us and I asked her not to go. I don't know how to get her to realize shes made the wrong decision yet again, and I'm so afraid that this is going to cause me to have a flair as much as Im trying to avoid that.