View Full Version : me first for once

03-25-2012, 12:20 AM
I dont come from the easiest family. My older brother has always been the troubled one while i have always done what i need to with a smile never complaining about him being put first. Many times as i was younger i gave up things i cared about so he could get the help he needed. Now for the first time in my life i need the family focus especially my mom on me. Well hows that suppose to happen when i get a call from my mom again tonight saying cops are at her house taking him to jail again. I know its hard on her cause us kids are all she has but how can i help when just hearing about it makes my disease worse. Not to mention that they are picking these choices that lead to these things. I didnt pick this!! How do i get it across to my family that this is bigger and that i need the focus to be on me for the first time?

03-25-2012, 01:54 AM
dear codi sorry things are so bad for you. i have a son who has been always in trouble drinking gambling fighting and as a mother it was hard to put myself first especially when i had family members telling me he needs me and because he is my son he should come first. in the end i just had to stand up for me and say he was making me sickier and his problems were his not mine and he was a adult and he needed to grow up. maybe you can calmly mention to your mother that you are sorry to here your brother is in trouble but right now you have to focus on you and your health and although your brother is in trouble. you to are feeling vunerable and need support to. hugs kim

03-25-2012, 05:25 AM
have you read "a letter to normal people"

it has helped me in situations similar to this.

03-26-2012, 12:36 PM
I'm assuming your brother is legally an adult. Therefore he is responsible for the choices he makes. You have to take care of you. You can't help your brother and neither can your mom. He's going to do what he's going to do regardless of how much you put yourself out there. You can't do anything more for him than love him and pray for him. You CAN take care of yourself. It isn't always easy putting oneself first but you going to have to learn to. We are here for you. Call upon us and lean on us anytime you need to. Tell your family that you love them, HOWEVER, they have the luxury of making the choices they've made. You don't have that luxury and because of it, you have to deal with it and put all your energy into it. If you aren't good to yourself, you aren't any good for anyone else (I mean that lovingly, yet honestly)