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View Full Version : How do I make my fiancée realize I'm sick?



krystleg87
03-11-2012, 04:42 PM
More often lately I've been tired & I can't go a day (on the week ds of course, since I work) without taking a nap. I found it hard to peel myself off of the bed no matter how late I sleep in. But the one thing that is bothering me is that my fiancée doesn't realize that it's not laziness or sleep deprivation but a chronic illness. When I had my drs appointment to find out what specifically was wrong with me he kept asking me why I was going. He says all I need is to take a multivitamin to "get my energy back". He gets scared when I've had a mild cold or sinus infection, he says he's afraid of me getting really sick since I've been the strong one emotionally in our relationship. But I just don't know how to get through to him that he realizes I'm sick. I've told him time & again what the doctor has told me about my fibromyalgia but he quickly responds my saying I'm a hypochondriac. Recently he's been really understanding when I'm tired or hurting. But I wanted to know of anyone else was going through the same thing? Also, for those of you with young children, how to you manage playing with them before to now (during flares)?

I keep all of you in my prayers. The only one(s) who truly understand what it's like to suffer day in & day out is someone suffering from it as well.

magistramarla
03-12-2012, 04:21 PM
Hi Krystle,
There have been quite a few threads on this subject lately. Many partners seem to have a rough time accepting and understanding chronic illnesses.
Would he agree to attending a doctor appointment with you? It might help to hear it from the doc.
Piers Morgan just interviewed Nick Cannon on CNN. You might be able to find the video online for him to see. Nick mentioned that his wife, Mariah Carey, is
extremely supportive. She has educated herself about Lupus, and he laughingly called her "Dr. Carey".
My hubby is always doing research and sending it to me. That's how he feels that he's helping.
There is also a great site with a story called The Spoon Theory. I don't have the link, but I'm sure that someone will come along and give it to you. It has helped many to understand what we are going through.
Good luck with this. I'm sure that others will be along with more advice.
Hugs,
Marla

Saysusie
03-12-2012, 04:33 PM
this is all excellent advise and i am just going to agree with everything that marla said. i hope thatone of the options helps you.

peace and blessings carlotta

steve.b
03-12-2012, 09:16 PM
i also want to agree with marla.

another story that has helped me is a letter called "a letter to normal people"

i have added it to a couple of threads recently.
please read through some of the past threads for advice others have offered.

tgal
03-12-2012, 09:20 PM
Here is one of the threads Steve is talking about. It does include the "letter to normal people" that he mentioned

http://forum.wehavelupus.com/showthread.php?11500-How-do-I-help-him-understand&highlight=Letter+normal

tripLexie
03-13-2012, 06:35 AM
"Letter to normal people" is awesome. I cannot wait to share it with the close people in my life who can't seem to grasp the invisible chronic disease thing.

Melodyroseak
05-16-2012, 06:05 PM
My husband really understands now how bad lupus can be. I found that one of the best things in the begining was to have him go to my rhuemy and other specialist go with me. That way if he had questions or wanted to just listen to our visit, has really helped with Doug understanding my illnesses. I gave him the option of not marrying me because of the lupus. He said he was going to marry me anyway. We got the worst out of the in the beginning. Been tough at times, but, really good now. He does allot of reading and searching out what the dr. said.

He is my rock, when I need to sleep, he lets me sleep and won't wake me up for anything. Tells people I am resting.

I hope this helps. And maybe he will go with you to your appointment. I will say a pray for you and the others on the board.

Melody

LenaT14
05-16-2012, 08:35 PM
Before diagnosis my husband would get frustrated with my need to constantly sleep, now that the symptoms have gotten a million times worse and he sees me in pain he is very supportive. Guys are wired so different then women that sometimes its hard to get through to them. I have read the spoon theory and it is so truly amazing I got emotional reading it. I have a 12 year old that I feel so guilty about neglecting because of being so sick and in bed constantly. I went to see our familys psychologist for some guidance and how to cope with this feeling of being a worthless cow instead of a wife, mother, business owner. Maybe a session with the 2 of you to discuss your issues would help? I don't know, I'm just in survival mode like evryone else!! Best of luck to you :)

MorrisonGal
08-25-2012, 11:03 AM
Krystle,
I understand how frustrating that your fiancee doesn't understand how sick you feel and thinks you're making it up. I have the same experience with my boyfriend and Dad. I don't want to get too much flack from the men here, but men are much different than women about expressing concern. Women will check up on you and ask if you need help, but men are more aloof. It's almost like the worse they saw me feeling, the more they acted like I was OK. I think it's because they're scared - there is something affecting our health and they can't fix it and they don't know what to do, so they push it aside. Even after I got a definite SLE diagnosis, my boyfriend kept saying "yeah I know somethings wrong, but maybe it's not lupus. maybe you're just tired." Several times I've talked to my Dad about joint pain and he'll say "what do you think is causing that?" Then I took my boyfriend to the Dr with me, and the Dr starts explaining about lupus and my BF said "I know she has lupus, I know what she's going through health-wise, I can see her having these issues. I want to help her. " so I know he understands. Makes you want to scream sometimes.

Deemarie1223
08-25-2012, 11:50 AM
Not much advice to give, but I'm in the same boat, however, I shared the spoon theory with hubby a few days ago and I'm proud to say he's making a very conscious effort to be more understanding:) that worked for me! I will be bringing him to a doc apt in the near future, after I'm finally dx'd with something other then 100 different things lol. Good luck!