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debbie-b
12-20-2011, 07:25 AM
It is going to be a somewhat long story, please try and read it anyway.
It has been over 10 years, since I have had any contact with my middle sister, her name is Barb, she is 59.
I also have an older sister Margo, who is 61, both of them live in Germany- Berlin, that is where I am from.
My husband and I went to Germany in 2001, when we got to the airport, Margo with her family were there and my cousin with his wife, to pick us up.
I immediatly asked for Barb and Margo rolled her eyes and said, that she and her husband went out of town on a vacation. I was shocked, I hadn't seen Barb in 5 years and she knew that we were coming.
We had a wonderful time with Margo and all the aunts and cousins, for ten days.
After coming back home to the USA, I wrote Barb a letter, asking why she would leave town knowing I was coming ( because days earlier we spoke on the phone and she said " see you in a few days".)
That letter came back UN OPENED, with her handwriting, saying " back to sender".
I called her right away, but since she monitors her calls with an answering machine, she did not answer.
I have been trying to call and have send dozens of letters and greeting cards, for ten years now.
Margo has not heard from her either.
I know that she is fine, because I do web cam with Barbs daughter on a regular basis.
My sister Margo had a severe heartattack three years ago and has a diffibralator, she also had life threatening surgery on her aorta two years ago. Now Margo is fighting lung cancer. And Barb knows nothing about any of this. Margo does not want for her to know and only have contact with her, because she is very ill. So Margo asked me not to say anything about the cancer to my niece.
I respect her wishes and feel the same way.
This year is the first year, where I am not going to send Barb a Christmas card, which would come back anyway.
I think it is very sad, but I have given up.
The only thing my niece will say, is that Barbs husband is at fault, he does not want her to have any contact with her sisters, what so ever. I don't think its his fault, ( it might be his idea) but it is her fault, she is 59, almost 60 years old, for Gods sake.
I don't think, that I have written this really to get tips or comments from you, it is more that I had to get this off my chest.
My main focus right now is Margo, but I could really slap Barb for behaving like this.

Thanks for listening to my rant.

Debbie

rob
12-20-2011, 09:13 AM
Hi Debbie,

It's always good to rant from time to time.

I say give your love and energy to those who will accept it. Don't spend any "spoons" on people who don't want you to spend them anyway.

It's sad about your one sister, but it sounds like you and Margo are quite close despite the miles. I'm sorry to hear about her lung cancer.

Please give Margo my regards,

Rob

magistramarla
12-20-2011, 10:49 AM
Debbie,
The person who is missing out the most is Barb. My mother was like that - a real hermit - and she chose to not be in contact with several of her siblings. I grew up never meeting many of my cousins. My mother also kept me from knowing any of my father's family. I've just met a few of them over the last several years.
My mother died a very lonely and unloved person, as it seemed was what she wished.
The sad thing is if this is because your sister's husband is controlling her life that much.
Sadly, you can't change these circumstances. I'm glad that you and Margo are there for each other. I hope that she is doing well, and is fighting the way Rob's Dad does.
Have a good holiday season.
Hugs,
Marla

debbie-b
12-21-2011, 05:21 AM
Hi Debbie,

It's always good to rant from time to time.

I say give your love and energy to those who will accept it. Don't spend any "spoons" on people who don't want you to spend them anyway.

It's sad about your one sister, but it sounds like you and Margo are quite close despite the miles. I'm sorry to hear about her lung cancer.

Please give Margo my regards,

Rob

You are so right, I have wasted to many spoons on her already.

Debbie

debbie-b
12-21-2011, 05:33 AM
Debbie,
The person who is missing out the most is Barb. My mother was like that - a real hermit - and she chose to not be in contact with several of her siblings. I grew up never meeting many of my cousins. My mother also kept me from knowing any of my father's family. I've just met a few of them over the last several years.
My mother died a very lonely and unloved person, as it seemed was what she wished.
The sad thing is if this is because your sister's husband is controlling her life that much.
Sadly, you can't change these circumstances. I'm glad that you and Margo are there for each other. I hope that she is doing well, and is fighting the way Rob's Dad does.
Have a good holiday season.
Hugs,
Marla

She is def the one who is missing out. I am just very confused about her behavior, because we have been very close, all of our life. Even though we live so far away, we have seen each other alot, she would come here every other year and I would go there every other year.
All that ended for no reason at all, ten years ago. It's very bizzare.
Oh well like I said, I am done with her.
My main focus is Margo. The doctors are very hopeful. Her spirits are high. She is going to be a great grandmother in April. ( Boy, they all started young).

Debbie