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ruziska
12-10-2011, 09:16 AM
For the moment, I have a reprieve from the depression and grief. It may hit me again, it may not. Taking life one step at a time. Christmas is right around the corner. Most of me couldn't care less, but I do get brief moments when I find myself caught up in the magic and excitement. Shopping is done. I got my daughter a punching bag. I'm not kidding. A professional boxing workout punching bag. She's not into boxing, but she does have a lot of anger issues and I figure she could tape people's pictures to it (hopefully not mine) and punch away. I'm on day 38 of no caffeine with no intention of starting up again. After 35 years it feels good to not be a slave to Pepsi.

Good news: I have a temp job as an administrator for a non profit organization coming up December 20-29 and if they like me and vice versa, it could very well turn into a permanent position. I interviewed for it this past Monday and they want me to temp while the current administrator goes on vacation before she leaves for good in January. The job is right up my alley and something I'd love to do. So fingers crossed.

Hubby showed his true colors last weekend unfortunately. We are still together but the future doesn't look promising. In his eyes it does, but I'll be damned if I'll live the way he wants, but that's another story. To sum him up he's egotistical, narcissistic a just plain rude. Being kind, caring and compassionate is out of his comfort zone and a place he rarely goes.

Mom's house: daughter is still living there. I've not done anything with it nor do I intend to until after the holidays. I have a list of what needs to be done and will get it done as finances allow. My goal is to have it on the market next summer. That house is the last tie keeping me here. I sell it and the future opens up for me. Daughter has the delusional idea that she has a say in what gets done with the house as far as remodeling it is concerned. Delusional. It is MY house, not hers. I have the say as to what gets done and how. For example, she wants to paint all four master bedroom walls red. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. She doesn't plan on living there long term so I don't know where she gets the lame brained idea she can do whatever she wants. She wants to paint walls that don't need painting yet ignore the things that MUST be done. She's in for a rude awakening when I present her with a lease agreement come new year. I am also including a list of remodeling and repairs that will be taking place and her input is not an option. It's going to get ugly. She so enjoys trying to walk all over me. She needs to get a new hobby, mom bashing is over.

So my hope for the new year is this: get that job full time. Spend my weekends getting mom's house ready for market. Sell mom's house. Take a vacation to recover from everything. Again, fingers crossed.

kim,l
12-10-2011, 03:06 PM
sorry things have been so rough on you lately. kids can be insensitive sometimes i have one of those who thinks because his dad and i are sick he now start telling us what to do but i set him straight on that. hopefully you can take that vacation soon and give you time to clear your head hugs

steve.b
12-11-2011, 03:00 AM
cyber hugs, and good wishes heading your way.

i hope your festive season can be festive.
look for the good, it is the time of year to show its self.

rob
12-11-2011, 04:27 AM
For the moment, I have a reprieve from the depression and grief. It may hit me again, it may not. Taking life one step at a time. Christmas is right around the corner. Most of me couldn't care less, but I do get brief moments when I find myself caught up in the magic and excitement. Shopping is done. I got my daughter a punching bag. I'm not kidding. A professional boxing workout punching bag. She's not into boxing, but she does have a lot of anger issues and I figure she could tape people's pictures to it (hopefully not mine) and punch away.

Even a brief reprieve from depression and grief can do wonders for a person's outlook and morale. Kinda like re-booting your computer so to speak.

The punching bag for your daughter is a great idea. Out in the "man cave" I have a small and a large punching bag. The big one is named SLE, and the little one MS. I actually got a stencil from the craft store and wrote the names on them with a permanent marker. I put on the gloves and pound the living heck out of both of them on a regular basis. It really does help me keep my own anger issues in check.

I'm having a hard time getting into the holiday spirit too this year. I'm a bit of a model train fanatic, and one of my fondest memories is of going to my Grandparents house on Christmas day and running my Grandfather's Lionel train that he got as a gift way back in the 50's. I have a train room with a permanent layout set up, and amongst all the locomotives I've collected over the years, is his original steam engine and cars. I fire up his train and the smell of the smoke, the sound of the whistle, and the clackety-clack of the wheels on the rails takes me back to those days. Back to a simpler time without things like cancer, war, divorce, pain.

Rob

debbie-b
12-11-2011, 05:53 AM
One thing is for sure, you are taking the right aproach, you are not letting people walk all over you anymore.
Good for you, putting down your foot and showing your daughter, who is boss.
Maybe you need a punching bag for yourself too.
I am sorry, that you are depressed and hope that it is only short lived. You have been through alot, with a little time you will get better and better.
I am wishing you the very best.

Debbie

Nonna
12-11-2011, 05:54 AM
Keep staying positive. Sounds like you have a good plan. I am here for you if you need support. GO FOR It! You can do it. Positive thinking all the way. Let's stand up to the bullies in our lives.

Multi-Hugs

BonusMom
12-11-2011, 07:57 AM
So glad you're standing up for yourself! Remember, as you prep Mom's house for sale, oops! I mean your house for sale, that neutral paint colors sell. Anything too owner taste specific can turn off potential buyers. Paint the walls a nice shade of tan and be done with it. No red at all (Design to Sell on HGTV will back me up here).

Have you thought about keeping the house for your primary residence?

I'm happy to bear you've got a temp job lined up. I hope it turns into the permanent position you've been looking for. It will afford you some options, if it does.

Take care and Merry Christmas.

P.S. Good idea on the punching bag!

lucky7
12-11-2011, 04:35 PM
Rob is right. Its the memories of happy moments from the past (or present for that matter) that can REALLY HELP LIFT your SPIRITS! We have to take those moments to pause and run one through our minds to help us through! WOO HOO to WARM MEMORIES! Those are something NO ONE can take from us! AND, GOOD for YOU on standing up to her! Those are some of our "FEEL GOOD" moments to help us through! Even if its hard at the time! YOU GO GIRL!!!

lucky7
12-11-2011, 04:36 PM
OOPS, almost forgot, FINGERS CROSSED!!!!!!

magistramarla
12-11-2011, 09:49 PM
Hi Rita,
It's good to hear from you.
Sometimes it is good for all concerned to get out on your own. Once the house sells and you have no more ties, would it be possible for you to seek a job in another town?
We've found that moving far away from the kids has been great for all. They have learned to depend upon themselves, and we are having fun just being a couple.
Good luck with all of it.
Hugs,
Marla