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Hunniebun
11-19-2011, 11:37 PM
3 days ago in the evening I nearly hit a woman in a crosswalk with my car. It was a very rainy night and dark so visibility was pretty bad. I was going 55 in a 50mph on my home street just about at my place, when I see two cars on the right from what I remember, and one was turning right and I thought the second was slowing down because that car was turning right. I was wrong, this person had also slowed down because of a woman trying to cross the road. I nearly ended up hitting her, I did not see her until she was in my lights. She jumped backwards out of the way and I swerved across into the empty oncoming lane to complete avoid her. I parked in the driveway of my building, turned the car off and sat there. My heart was beating so hard it felt like it was going to jump right out of me. I sat there for a while, I just could not move.

I was told these kinds of mistakes happen all the time and it does not make me a bad driver, I just feel awful and I haven't been able to shake the episode in my head, it keeps replaying over and over and the guilt keeps trying to consume me. I know nothing happened and she is still alive and we can go on with our lives but I have NEVER done something this stupid before when driving, never have I come close to seriously hurting, or even killing someone. It haunts me during the day, it haunts me at night. I've gotten reassurance from a lot of people that I am only human and this stuff happens everyday to everyone...I just can't believe I did it too.

Has anyone ever had a really scarey experience driving, especially involving a pedestrian? Since I didn't hit her or cause any other trouble I did not stop as I was pretty sure I didn't need to, but I would have pulled over anyway if I was not close to home since I was freaking out.
What do I do, how do I get over this and let it go...I have already started driving even more careful than I already do, but it doesn't seem to be helping much.

rob
11-20-2011, 12:05 AM
Hi Hunniebun,

I just got in and was checking out the latest threads here and saw this one. I've been in a couple of situations like this myself.

Right now, it's going on 2am, and I'm unable to post a proper response right now. But I will be back after I get some shuteye to talk more.

Till then, just know that these sort of things do indeed happen often, and that your reaction to this is quite normal.

I'll talk to you tomorrow,

Rob

Nonna
11-20-2011, 12:55 AM
Rob is right, things like this do happen. And now you will be more carefully. It has always been hard for me to see clearly on dark rainy nights; some one was watching over you and wanted to keep you safe. All I can think to say is: it's over now; it's a hard Life lesson learned.
Hugs and love for you

steve.b
11-20-2011, 01:35 AM
once again the wise older lady has spoken.

thank you nonna......
it is a hard lesson learned.

noone can make you get over it.
you have to come to a realisation that it has happenned it is over and you cannot change it.

i have had a few motor vehicle accidents.
only once involving a pedestrian.
they ran into the side of my car.
they ran so hard they folded in 1/2 and dented my boot.
they knocked them self out.

i could not drive after the accident. it took me a while to continue my journey.

i am glad you and the lady are both ok.

rob
11-20-2011, 07:07 AM
OK, now I'm awake,

Anyway, Toni and Steve are right with their advice.

To add to what they have said, that feeling you had right after this happened, as you probably know, is adrenaline. More specifically, it's called the "fight or flight reflex", and it's perfectly normal. Your body reacted to a sudden, extremely stressful event by dumping a load of adrenaline into your system. It's an awful feeling. When it's happened to me, I've felt like my legs were rubber, and my hands shook no matter how hard I tried to stay steady, and my heart was beating really, really hard. It can take an hour or two for the physical effects to wear off, but the psychological effects are a bit more permanent, and it's not necessarily a bad thing, even though I know this is weighing heavily on your mind right now.

The reason this is partially good, is that an event like this is burned into our memory, not soon if ever to be forgotten, and we will both consciously, and unconsciously do whatever we have to do in the future to avoid the bad, or dangerous situation we were once in. You will be compelled to be as careful as possible while driving, especially if you find yourself driving on a dark rainy evening. You will also be even more vigilant than you already are about looking for pedestrians. This isn't a bad thing. You'll probably be hyper-vigilant and maybe apprehensive while driving at first, but that will calm down with time, as will the bad feelings you are having right now. In the end, this will make you an even more attentive, and safer driver.

Just try to remember that you did the right thing. You were driving a reasonable speed, and you were aware and alert enough to take immediate action to avoid hitting the pedestrian. The combination of your fast response, as well as the fast response of the lady jumping out of the way came together at the right time, and nobody was hurt.

As far as who is to blame, I would say both of you, or neither of you. Sometimes, these things just happen, and the fault can lie equally on both parties, or you can look at it like I do-Sometimes, accidents just happen, and it's nobodies fault. Things just happen with no carelessness or bad intentions from either person. It's just a fact of being at the wrong place, at the wrong time. Thankfully for both of you, the accident did not happen.

I think both you and the pedestrian learned a hard lesson that neither of you will soon forget. But don't beat yourself up over it. You reacted quickly, and nobody was hurt, you did the right thing at the right time.

Rob

n.mac
11-20-2011, 08:14 AM
Lets not forget as pedestrians,runners and dog walkers we should look out for ourselves when near a roadway.
wearing reflective clothing (or collars,leashes etc)or carrying a light would certainly be prudent.

As a driver I can certainly relate it only takes a second especially on a dark and stormy night!

Hunniebun
11-20-2011, 11:48 AM
Thank you VERY much for your replies, it helps me feel even better. I've been noticing that since my little incident, that specific area is pretty bad. I was walking past it yesterday with my boyfriend, we were already on the side of the road we needed so we were not crossing, just walking past the crosswalk (which now has a signal for people to use to cross thank God, lights were installed), and a man just simply started walking out into traffic, WITHOUT hitting that signal! People were screeching their tires, dodging him, honking at him. He punched a passerby's car and shouted "It's a crosswalk you whore!" Isn't he wrong now? Isn't he now required to use that signal to make the lights red? Man...I know it was my fault I did not see that woman that night, but a friend of mine told me about a cop she talked to who told her that when it comes to pedestrian fatalities, it is much more so the walker than it is the driver. They automatically expect people to see them, or stop for them, or even see them in dark clothes on a rainy night. If they were change their ways and be more careful, stuff like this would happen less, its not like people TRY to run over others.

I am still feeling guilty inside and its still in my mind but its beginning to lessen, and when I see other people make mistakes (it's a bad thing of course) but that too helps me feel better. But that man...Wow, honestly, I wouldn't have cared much if he was hit, he was being a pure jerk.

magistramarla
11-20-2011, 07:52 PM
Hi Hunnie,
As everyone else has said, we all have had near-misses. We thank our lucky stars that it was a miss, learn from it and go on.
I've become really paranoid about driving since I've gotten sick, and I now drive like a little old lady. I also no longer dare to drive very far.
This is sooo frustrating to me. I've been driving since I learned to drive tractors at the age of 9. I've always had a thing for cars.
I've loved driving long distances, even by myself. I miss the old me!
Hugs,
Marla

Hunniebun
11-21-2011, 12:01 PM
Marla, I've become pretty paranoid since I got sick too, because I used to drive better and now I find it more challenging and don't like to do it much. The brain fog is a scary thing too but I am no where near bad enough that I need to give up my license. I used to drive a tractor too! A really big John Deere. I've been doing the exact limit more often and just taking my time and its crazy how other drivers get angry at me for doing that now. The flick the finger, flash me, pass me...Oh well, also time to learn not to give in to road rage anymore either.

Thanks again you guys, I am feeling better as each day passes.