View Full Version : Whats going to happen?

11-14-2011, 08:37 PM
My sister KC, just recently mentioned to me that she wanted to start dating again. But she told me, "but who would want to date me, i have lupus." and i felt so bad for her because i didn't know what to say to her to help boost her confidence or help her feel better. But then later that night i was think to myself, what if she's right? I hope she isn't... but what if. I could see how it could be difficult to find the right person who would stick with you through the lupus. But unfortunately people now are extremely judgmental and wouldn't be able to handle the stress that comes with lupus. So they wouldn't want to be with them, to prevent pain for themselves in the future. I hope that my sister tries hard to find that someone.... I'm praying that she does and that everyone else that is going through a breakup or can't find someone right for them can get through this and everything work out for them.

11-14-2011, 09:07 PM
That fear is why I ended up staying with someone who wasn't right for me for 2 years. He was always pretty understanding of the lupus part of my life. I do that to myself, but I mean chicks our age do that about everything. Something like lupus is just one more thing guys will have to accpet when they date people like us, and if they cant they aren't worth it anyway. Its hard for young guys to get it all the time though. They are in their prime and we cant do everything the same way they can. There are guys though. If they care they will be understanding of her lupus.

11-15-2011, 08:06 PM
I think the biggest thing is getting Kc to do something about her life. She has to be the one to help herself and get better, she needs to find a motivation to do so... I feel like i can't do enough to help her =(

11-16-2011, 05:09 PM
My best suggestion is a counselor. I've been in the same kind of boat lately and everyone keeps telling me to go back to mine. It really does help.

11-17-2011, 08:39 PM
I have tried to get her to go to a counselor but she is completely against the idea of a counselor. I'm not sure why but she is. and i can't bug her too much cause then she will not want to go even more than now. don't know what to do...

11-18-2011, 05:40 PM
Hang in there with her. You can't make someone change, it has to come from inside. You can love her unconditionally and help her see herself as worthy of love.

I totally understand your concern because I do think about who will love my 20 year old daughter who has multiple health problems and can't work or go to school. She worries about it, too, especially because she is so isolated where we live. It would be a nightmare for her to get involved with the wrong man, though. There are caring, compassionate people out there who do fall in love with folks who are sick or disabled, but I don't think you can list that as a requirement on Match.com (LOL). What are her interests and hobbies? If does does things that she enjoys doing, hopefully she will meet others with similar interests. Is volunteering an option for her? Church groups? The thing is, you can't define who you are by who you are dating, or how much you are dating. Your sister will need to be comfortable in her own skin before she will really attract the right kind of guys.

Kiddo, you just have way too much on your shoulders, and you will have to learn to let go of the things that you can't change. Have you thought about seeing a counselor yourself, to help you deal with all this stress? Sometimes people who love and want to help their family members actually end up "enabling" the behavior that they are trying to stop. A good counselor should be able to help you figure out if the help you are giving your sister might actually be pushing her in the opposite direction. I am absolutely not saying you are in any way responsible for your sister's choices, just that sometimes the best intentions don't work out they way they should. You are amazing and strong and you need to take care of yourself. Thanks for sharing your pain with us - it helps others that will never post here.

11-19-2011, 09:11 PM
You are such a great brother!
As others have said, I think that you should just relax and encourage your sis to get involved in fun things that she will enjoy. Maybe you could ask her to escort you to something fun? If she's having fun and meeting people, a friendship just might happen.
Hugs to both of you,

02-26-2012, 08:04 AM
hey, Im also a brother of a lupus patient. shes only 18 right now but Im so worried over her future. So stressed out for years and I think Ill have to see a counsellor really soon. =(