View Full Version : Help - My Mother Is Driving Me Mad

10-23-2011, 06:58 PM
Many of you may remember that my dad died back in June. My mother has been in good health and lives 6 houses down from me. All of the sudden she is "ill" or so she says. It is strange but these symptoms did not start until my Lupus flared this past week. I finally told her tonight that she would be going to the doctor. She said she will go first thing in the morning and then started telling me not to look for a rent house for my daughter because she is pretty sure I am going to need to move in with her because she will need surgery and someone to look after her. First of all I am married and still have a 17 year old at home. Second of all, I don't think anyone asked me I wanted to move in with her. Third, I think she is just wanting attention. She is 73 and still drives etc. I called one of her best friends and found out that she hasn't complained of any symptoms around her and is just fine.

Here is hoping the doctor can straighten her out because I am going to need major drugs to keep me sane if she continues to do this.

Thanks for letting me vent again!

I hope everyone has a great week and that it is as painless as possible.


10-23-2011, 08:00 PM
It sounds like your Mom is having some problems with adjusting to living alone. Are you on good terms with her doc? Could you give him/her a heads-up before the appointment?
Could that best friend of hers help out by getting her involved in things that they like to do together? I think that she's missing your Dad and is worried that she is next.
Good luck to you.

10-23-2011, 08:53 PM
Melanie, Marla's insight seems to be pretty valid, as usual. I'm just popping in to say that you have my sympathy. My parents are in their 70's and my in-laws are in their 90's and I know my time is comin'! Are there any senior centers in your area? Connecting with other widows and getting some new activities might help your mom adjust. Maybe her best friend would join her?

10-24-2011, 04:27 AM
unfortunatelly it is not uncommon, for a recently seperasted person to go through this type of emotional rollercoaster.
my mil had severe problems at the 6 month mark.

i hope her friends can help.
she needs to feel a part of something.
she needs to know she has someone who still needs her.

10-24-2011, 06:48 AM
I will keep her (and you) in my thoughts.. I have no suggestions because everyone else gave such good info above. Just remember that we are here for you

10-24-2011, 06:52 AM
Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers. Oddly enough she has gotten very involved with a seniors group at a local church that she went to years ago. Her friend often goes with her and they have lunch together on a regular basis. I do think she is lonely and this feeling may overwhelm her at night and this of course is when I call her or go down. I had thought of calling the doctor but I have only met him once so I don't know how he would respond. I think I will wait and see what happens at today's appointment and then go from there.

As for me, praise the Lord my head is not spinning today. Yeah!!!!

You guys are so awesome!


10-24-2011, 03:28 PM
Yay! I'm so glad your head's staying put!!

10-25-2011, 02:18 PM
I know this may sound a little odd but what about her moving in to help you? Even if it's in some small way, that's all it takes. Your health isn't good as a whole, has she been to the doctor with you? Maybe your rheumy could explain how everything works. It could shed some light as to why you shouldn't put more on your plate right now. But if she moved in with you her lonliness would be eased quite a bit. It's just a suggestion off the top of my head, albeit a drastic one. It also depends on the personality of your mother and whether or not she is more inclined to help or be helped.

She could also try getting a pet, my mother has two dogs inside and 6 cats she tends to outside. She complains constantly about them driving her nuts but we all know that if they weren't there she would be so incredibly depressed. My father has been dead since I was 4 (25 years) and the lonely feeling never really subsides unless that void is filled.

10-25-2011, 08:17 PM
Thanks for the note howsabout. She has two cats and she adores them. I am pretty sure she would drive me over the edge without her two little furry friends. Right now, I don't have room for her because my daughter is moving home from college. She does live 6 houses down though so I am just going to have to spend more time with her. Unfortunately she needs more than she gives sometimes and right now is just one of those times. Thanks for your support. I am sure we will get through this.