View Full Version : Needing some support

08-11-2011, 11:47 PM
Last few days have been stressful. Yesterday morning my grandpa passed away from a heart attack while on his way to play golf. My mom and aunt (his daughters) didn't even know about until 2pm and it happened at around 6am that morning. My mom found out something was wrong from a message his golf buddy left on his answering machine (my grandpa lives with my parents and aunt so she heard the message in his room) saying "sorry for you unfortunate mishap this morning" I guess the guy passed his car and then called not knowing how serious it was at the time but wanted to see how he was. So my mom hear the message and was trying to figure out what was going on and had to call all these people and my aunt to even find out where he was at. My aunt finally found out he was at the coroners office and they were trying to find my parents house but couldn't (they live very far in the woods on a dirt road with no cell reception and it is hard to find if you've never been) so my aunt found out over the phone and called my mom who then called me to go get my dad at his work (that's 5 minutes from my house) because he wasn't picking up his cell phone, she was crying and wouldn't tell me what was going on even though I assumed that he had died because she had been looking for him. Anyways yesterday was a hard day for my family. He was 86 and lived a long and full life. He was a vet and served in WWII, he has his two daughters, 10 grandkids and 28 great-grandkids and was a great man. His wife died 5 years ago so he is with her now. I just wanted to tell my other family and hopefully have some good thoughts and prayers thus way for me and my family.
I deal with death strangely I think. I am sad that he died and I think it's worse that it was unexpected but I know he lived a long time and had a good life and that is what matters. I find when someone dies I don't grieve in the same way some of my other family does. I don't like to cry in front of people or talk about how I am feeling about it. I feel sometimes it makes me seem insensitive to it but I'm not I just don't lean on people like that. The only person I cried in front of was my fiancÚ... Even after my mom told me at first I didn't cry, I was in shock a little and I guess I hung up on her... I don't remember that part but the first thing I did was call my brothers wife (who lives across the street from my parents) and tell her she needed to go over to moms. And then I made the call to my older sister to tell her what was going on. I don't know I've only cried a few times and it hasn't been sobbing of anything. I don't know I think something is wrong with me-aside from the obvious. Anyways I just wanted to post on here and get it all out because I'm not one to talk about how I feel to my family. I feel like I gotta keep it together and life does go on. Its a very sad situation and it is never happy when someone dies but it is a fact of life and at least he lived. And he did live. A good life. A long life. A very blessed life and I don't think one can ask for more then that. I hope I get to be as lucky as he was.
I hope no ones finds this insensitive or unfeeling of whatever because sometimes I feel like that. I guessthis is just the way I handle it. I keep busy. I dont think about it. I cry to myself and I move on. I am sad he's gone. I grew up with him. He was my only living grandparent after my grandma died 5 years ago and It will be weird going to my parents and not having him there. Anyways I'm trying to stay positive in this tragedy but I will miss him.

08-12-2011, 12:22 AM
sorry about your grandfather.. i know when mine passed it was the so hard, and i still think about him all the time, and its been 16 years.. you will always have the memories. i keep them close to my heart everyday....

08-12-2011, 01:48 AM
Thanks for sharing, my thoughts and prayer are with you and your family. Each of us deals with death in their own way. Don't be ashamed of your way. As for crying, that's part of you or me; I'm just learning how to release my emotions after 60 years of keeping them penned up inside. It'snot pretty when I cry, so I tend to cry in the car or in my room.


08-12-2011, 03:10 AM
I once read a quote written by a grief specialist. " The only wrong way to grieve, is not to grieve at all." You be who you are dear. Some people scream and pull their hair out, some are silent. The stages of grief come when they come and go when the go. When my grandmother died, I didn't cry until year later. When my mom died I cried and thanked God as her suffering was horrific. My family thought I was to happy for her. I had to be me. No guilt for you dear. ((hugs))

08-12-2011, 03:27 AM
Thanks everyone. I knew I could come here and you guys would understand and be supportive. I'm glad I'm not crazy in y process of this. Or insensitive or whatever it is I was feeling I am. Thank you all for your kind words and support it is very much appreciated. My body isn't handling this stress very well either, it is hurting. Not to mention I'm pmsing on top of all this. It's awesome. My body is really hating me right now. I'm trying to take it easy and get through it as best I can. I'm having trouble sleeping too because I just keep thinking about my grandpa and it's just not going well... I need to sleep. Anyways thanks again everyone I'm glad I can come here and express what I need to and feel how I'm need to feel.

08-12-2011, 03:42 AM
Hang in there and try to rest when you can't sleep. The mind is an exhausting thing at times. mine won't shut down sometimes. Maybe you can try to remember the funny things your grandpa said or did and release some of the quiet deep stuff. Bless you dear.

08-12-2011, 05:29 AM
Its a very sad situation and it is never happy when someone dies but it is a fact of life and at least he lived. And he did live. A good life. A long life. A very blessed life and I don't think one can ask for more then that. I hope I get to be as lucky as he was.

my older sister was murdered a couple of years ago.
the only way most of our family could deal with it......... was to remember the good times.

it is a healthy way to remember someone.
give god the glory for the good times.

08-12-2011, 06:54 AM
I'm sorry for your family's loss. I'm very happy that your lovely grandfather was taken quickly and did not suffer a lengthy illness.

Everyone grieves differently. Take comfort in knowing how much you loved your beloved grandfather and that he loved you. Keep the memories close to your heart.

08-12-2011, 07:22 AM
I am 50 yrs old,have 5 kids ranging from 30 down to 15, have lost both parents and been divorced once-in other words I have experienced alot down thru the years.

I can't ever remember crying-that doesn't mean you don't hurt or greive-you just do it differently.

* I came close once-I dropped a 400lb 55 gal drum on my foot crushing my big toe and breaking the other 4 ,it took 30 min. to get my boot off as the steel toe curled in and was cutting into my foot. I certainly felt like crying but there was other workers around and men don't cry in front of other men!

08-12-2011, 12:01 PM
I'm sorry for your loss :( Your grieving is just that...yours, and its your choice how you go through it and share it with others. Just know that everyone here supports you and is thinking of you and your family in this time. I hope you get some sound sleep soon.

08-12-2011, 01:07 PM
I am very sorry for your loss. Don't worry about the way you grief, everybody is different.
My mom died in 1996 very suddenly, my sister was here visiting from Germany at that time. My other sister called as with the horrible news. So my sister and I flew back to Germany for the funeral. Don't get me wrong, we were sad and we cried, but in the plane we were laughing and joking around. We did cry at the funeral, but the rest of the time, we were cutting up, like we always do.
It hit me when I flew back to the US by myself, I started crying uncontrolably for almost the entire flight, about 10-11 hours. All I could think about is, that I will never see her again, when I visit Germany again.
After I landed my eyes were almost swollen shut.
I am just telling you this story, because you never know when it's going to hit you.


08-12-2011, 08:02 PM
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I agree with everyone else about how to grieve. We all do it in our own way. There is no wrong way. Please know that we are all here for you if you need a place to talk. We will be here for you

08-12-2011, 09:58 PM
Hi Dora,
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. He was obviously a grand old fellow and you are lucky to have many good memories of times spent with him.

Like you, I've never cried when I grieve. My mother used to get upset at me and call me awful names for not crying. Now I know that I don't produce enough tears because of having Sjogren's. It makes me wonder if I had that symptom even as a young teen?

My thoughts are with you and your family this weekend.
Gentle Hugs,