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View Full Version : Stuck in the middle pt 2



ruziska
07-11-2011, 05:10 PM
This sandwich generation deal is a royal pain in the neck!!! My mother who doesn't own a computer nor does she intend to and is as anti technology as it basically gets, expects me to know everything and be able to find anything and everything on the internet and fix any issue she has. She has her finances so blasted messed up it will take the rest of the month to get her back on track and unless I monitor her every move, she'll end up screwed up again and again. She had automatic payments going out to places she had no idea what for. I found EIGHT of them and cancelled them ALL saving her $272 EACH MONTH from here on out. She has a supposed loan payment she has no paperwork backing up. Tomorrow morning we tackle that issue. Wednesday morning after her retirement check is deposited, we are going to cancel that particular bank account and leave that bank. I'm moving her to a credit union that I know is customer friendly. She'll probably get nasty letters since she doesn't answer her phone to anyone she doesn't know and we'll take it from there who all she legitimately owes and what. The bank she currently has is absolutely useless and mom is clueless. I suspect I'll not be able to breathe from this until September if I'm lucky. Mom doesn't want to take responsibility, she wants me to handle EVERYTHING and I've got the Power of Attorney to do so. Doesn't mean I want to though. If I get a 40 hour/week job she's going to have to help me help herself. She needs to do that anyhow. I may end up handing her a certain amount of cash each week like an allowance if that is what it takes.
To say I'm frustrated right now is an understatement. I hadn't been home 20 minutes when she pulled in with her latest catastrophe. I had picked up my daughter from work at 11 today and she wanted to take me out to lunch then shop. I survived the mall and am paying for it now. I'm overheating, my back and hips are killing me and I haven't heard either way about the job I interviewed for on Friday yet so I'm on pins and needles about that.
Mom gets a piece of junk mail with a scam offer telling her she needs to buy an extended warranty for her car and thinks she MUST have it. She bought that car in December and it has a 90000 mile warranty on it. She only has less than 17000 miles. That warranty will outlast her yet I have a hard time getting her to believe me over the junk mail which is what got her in this mess in the first place is because she believed the junk mail and was spending TWO HUNDRED SEVENTY TWO DOLLARS AND SIXTY CENTS on scams EACH MONTH!!!! I told her not to sign up for ANYTHING without running it by me first. We'll see if she listens. She's coming over first thing tomorrow morning to kill 2 more unnecessary bills (part of that $272 business) and then I'm sending her home because unless I get a phone call tomorrow morning, I have another job interview at 1:00. Wednesday morning I have to close out her bank account and open her a new one elsewhere. Thursday I think I'll sit and blow bubbles all day which will probably be all my brain will be able to process by then. These are the days I wonder why I gave up drinking...

steve.b
07-11-2011, 08:00 PM
....................... I think I'll sit and blow bubbles all day which will probably be all my brain will be able to process by then. These are the days I wonder why I gave up drinking...

i gave up work when i became this confused...
giving up on mum is not an option.....
hopefully once it is sorted.... it is sorted (no more scams)

Gizmo
07-11-2011, 08:03 PM
Wow! I don't really know what to say except that you are a saint and there are a lot of greedy sinners out there. I really feel for you. Are there any agencies that can help you protect your mom? She is so very fortunate to have you looking out for her. Ultimately, you will not regret being there for her, but you are on a rough road.

Peridot20_Gem
07-12-2011, 04:43 AM
Hello Rita,

I'd like to say your mom as one excellent daughter helping her besides how your suffering yourself but like Gizmo said once you have her straight there is company's out there who can make sure what she as to pay out will sort it..over here it's done with a charge.

I do hope you get the job mate but it does sound like once your mom is finally sorted a very careful eye needs to be put on your mom permanent and you can't be there 24/7 as you never know how you'll feel yourself from one day to the next.

We're all thinking of you through times like this. xxxx

magistramarla
07-12-2011, 12:58 PM
Rita,
Wow, I feel for you, sweetie.
Does your mother have dementia? If so, is there a way for you to declare her mentally incompetent when it comes to her finances? Will the credit union work with you and only pay out those things that you agree to?
I'm just throwing out some ideas here.
Good luck to you.
Hugs,
Marla

ruziska
07-12-2011, 03:22 PM
Mom is slipping a bit, but not enough to be considered dementia. Dad took care of everything and she just doesn't know how to handle her finances herself. She believes all that freaking junk mail/scare mail about warranties and insurances and signed up for way too many of them. Once we get the mess cleaned up, it should be easy to maintain as long as I keep an eye on things and she listens to me. As long as she remembers to NOT sign up for ANYTHING without running it by me first, I should be able to keep her on track. It's just a royal pain getting to that point.

I'm sure the day will come sooner than later that mom won't be able to take care of herself and as the only child, I'll have to deal with that then. One step at a time...

Thanks for everyone's support. Means a lot to me.

Peridot20_Gem
07-12-2011, 04:38 PM
Hi Rita,

Your welcome from us all but when you've sorted it all out for your mom...i just hope to god she listens to you and does'nt put her signature to anything else, especially when your trying to get on with your life besides.

Wishing you all the very best mate. xxxx

Manderson
07-12-2011, 06:50 PM
Yikes - I get you Ruz! Luckily my mom is still pretty "up" on all her financials, but I foresee a day when this will come about for me and H. My mom is suspicious of everyone so she doesn't get talked into anything. My dad was another story. Had mom gone first, I could see what's happening with your mom happening with dad.

You're a good daughter ♥

Manderson
07-12-2011, 06:50 PM
And good luck with job!

Elo
07-13-2011, 12:34 AM
Looks like the tables are turning! Now daughters are giving their mothers weekly allowances (;

You seriously need to get out of that bank, it sounds horrible. She needs a much better bank with good customer service, you're definitely right about that.

There's so many stupid scam artists out there..I feel so sorry for all those innocent old women who fall for them! An acquaintance of mine had their grandmother send $2000 dollars to mexico, because some horrible person called her on the phone pretending to be her grandson, saying it was urgent and she couldn't tell anyone. Sigh.
I'm glad she has you to look out for her though - even if she is driving you up the wall right now (:
Good job though! I know it's hard, so i've got major props for you for pushing through it.
Fingers crossed on your new job interview, but i hope you get the old one you interviewed for.
I'm pulling for ya!

ruziska
07-13-2011, 07:09 AM
Looks like the tables are turning! Now daughters are giving their mothers weekly allowances (;

You seriously need to get out of that bank, it sounds horrible. She needs a much better bank with good customer service, you're definitely right about that.

There's so many stupid scam artists out there..I feel so sorry for all those innocent old women who fall for them! An acquaintance of mine had their grandmother send $2000 dollars to mexico, because some horrible person called her on the phone pretending to be her grandson, saying it was urgent and she couldn't tell anyone. Sigh.
I'm glad she has you to look out for her though - even if she is driving you up the wall right now (:
Good job though! I know it's hard, so i've got major props for you for pushing through it.
Fingers crossed on your new job interview, but i hope you get the old one you interviewed for.
I'm pulling for ya!

I'm getting mom out this morning and moving her to a credit union. I've talked to a lot of people who do NOT like that particular bank. No one has ever said anything good about it. If anyone wants to know which bank it is so they know who to stay away from, send me a personal message. I don't want to broadcast it here.
Funny you should mention the Mexico scam. Last month my mom got the exact same phone call! Fortunately she didn't send any money but when she FINALLY told me about it I had a hard time convincing her that it was a scam and NOT my son. She was told NOT to tell me because he didn't want to upset me. The story was that he and his wife had gone down to mexico for a wedding, got stinking drunk, hit someone and was sent to jail and that he didn't want me to know he and his wife were drunk. First of all, she's pregnant. Second of all , the weekend in question, Cody was in town here for Army Guard Drill. I personally saw him. She finally believed me. I'm glad she didn't send any money. That's part of the not agreeing to anything without checking with me first. I'm not trying to be mean to her, I'm looking out for her and protecting her.
The headache with mom won't end today after we switch banks. She has a couple of creditors she'll need to call and let them know they will have to wait until next month for payment. As mom says "you can't get blood from a turnip". I never liked that phrase. Totally turned me off turnips. But you know what it means. So starting September (geez that sounds like forever away) she'll have this mess all behind her and smoother sailing.

Elo
07-13-2011, 09:41 AM
WOW.
You're kidding me right? The SAME scam??? ...thats some scary stuff.

ruziska
07-13-2011, 01:44 PM
That mexico scam has been in the news here this past year. Targeting elderly. I got mom out of the bad bank and getting her on her way to smooth sailing. I STILL HAVEN'T HEARD from the interview I had last Friday. Frustrating doesn't begin to cover it! The interview I had yesterday was over in SEVEN minutes. It was clear from the get go I wasn't who they wanted and that's fine, because, frankly, I wouldn't have wanted it. But oh geez, nerves are on edge waiting to hear one way or the other about the other job!