View Full Version : Stuck in the middle- need to vent
07-05-2011, 03:04 PM
First of all, thanks in advance for letting me rant. I feel like I'm about to fall apart right now.
I'm at that wonderful age when I am still dealing with a teenager, yet I have an elderly mom to take care of.
Daughter's vehicle broke down last night at the gas station. It has an alarm system that disables the battery when the battery dies. Hubby put a new battery in it but can't get the disabling feature to knock it off so for the meantime, I'm chauffeur, which I don't mind as it means time with daughter however hubby can get it fixed soon.
Mom has screwed up her checkbook royally and I spent 3 hours at the bank today trying to fix it. Mom was also having automatic payments to all kinds of stuff that she shouldn't have so I got over $270 worth of unnecessary monthly bills removed for her. Big win there and I found a way to save her big $ on her car insurance too. I'm rather proud of myself for that.
So what's the problem? Mom needs me to take care of her financial issues, daughter needs me to be a rock and a wealth of knowledge and guidance, hubby is still recovering from dislocating his shoulder and is back to work 3/4 time so needs (wants) me to take care of him when he's home. I'm also pupsitting daughter's 6 month old beagle/dachshund while she's at work. Love him to pieces but he is a puppy with all the energy that goes with it. Lupus, of course, is demanding my attention as well. I'm applying for jobs every time I see anything I'm remotely qualified for, the one that was supposed to start tomorrow got pushed back until the end of next month.
Everybody wants a piece of me. Everybody expects me to be a wealth of knowledge and a pillar of strength. Everybody wants me to be what they want me to be when they want me to be it.
I can't say no to my mom, she really hasn't a clue about finances as today proved. My daughter needs me now more than ever as she's on the edge of screwing up her life royally and I want to do all I can for her. She's my baby girl. My hubby will just have to deal.
07-05-2011, 03:45 PM
It's OK to vent. Let me tell you mine.
I live far away from my adult kids, and I am glad for that! They still manage to bug me, though.
Meg has a cranky 18 month old and her hubby is in Afghanistan. She is not dealing with his deployment well at all. She has a compression fracture in her spine from an accident three years ago, and she blew out the ACL and the MCL in her knee when she made the mistake of trying to ski this winter. She's having a difficult time lifting Ryan and with trying to go to physical therapy. She drove me crazy every evening this weekend calling me. Her neighbors were setting off fireworks until midnight for five nights straight, directly behind the baby's bedroom. This is in rural Arkansas, so when she called the police, they laughed at her. It was not a good weekend at her house.
Kayla is in Denver and has a six year old and a SOB ex. He was angry that she had Kyle for the holiday weekend, but today is still his day to be responsible for the child. The Summer school program is closed today, so they had a fight over who would have to make arrangements for Kyle today. When Kayla took Kyle to Mike's this morning, she found out that he had arranged for a neighbor to watch him - one who smokes (Kyle has asthma) and has several other unsavory attributes. When Kayla insisted upon taking Kyle to the private pre-school where she once worked, Mike made her pay for it. She called and woke us up this morning, asking me to deposit some money for her to cover it.
Our pay doesn't come in 'til Thursday, so now I'm hoping that the rent check doesn't hit the bank 'til then, or we're overdrawn.
The next call was from Meg - screaming baby in the background. Those two drive me up the wall!! I do love them, though and those grandkids are wonderful (when they aren't screaming). It's a good thing that the three older kids are calmer and don't bug me.
We used to be the sandwich generation, but we've lost my parents and his Mom. (We aren't in contact with his Dad). My mother was abusive and crazy, but I was the only person who could be responsible for her. I went through those years of having to deal with her finances and medical issues while I still had young kids at home - no fun.
We had to put her into a nursing home when she got aggressive in the hospital and attacked nurses. When they asked me how long she had been this way, they were surprised when I told them since I was about 5 or 6. Nobody realized the abuse that I put up with until I eloped with Jeff.
The death of my sweet, sweet mother-in-law was what really made my AI issues escalate. She was the Mom that I wished I could have had as a kid. Jeff and I had to deal with most of the arrangements and finances when she died, since he was the executor and his three brothers aren't exactly responsible people.
So you see, if anybody has been there - done that, it's me.
Hang in there, girl. Be glad that you have a good relationship with your Mom, and hang in there with the teen - it will get better eventually.
Lots of Hugs,
07-05-2011, 03:56 PM
Thank God your family has you! It sounds like you've been so strong for them. Good luck on the job search.
Take care and hopefully find a second to indulge yourself. You deserve and need it.
07-05-2011, 04:06 PM
Rita and Marla,
Being a mom just never stops, does it? We are currently sandwiched, but so far our parents are still able to handle most things on their own. I am not looking forward to the day when they cannot. Funny how us ladies end up picking up whatever pieces our loved ones can't keep in the air. Best wishes to both of you. I hope the rant helped.
07-05-2011, 05:59 PM
dear rita i know what it is like to be torn in so many ways i have 2 adult children both with illness and a 13 year old with autism an my husband who has early onset dementia and recovering from stroke and i feel torn between all of them sometimes i think i need to be octopus so i understand your frustration please take care of yourself hugs kim l
07-06-2011, 06:44 AM
I feel your pain and understand your frustration! If only you could twitch your nose and it could all be taken care of (and the house magically cleaned!).
07-06-2011, 07:28 AM
Vent as much as you want mate and in your first paragraph i'd say you'd done well to say how ill you feel at times.
Your mom wanting you to take her bills on as well is way to much...my mom asked me to do that a good year before she died i refused and told her straight i'm till ill at times to think about your bills never mind my own.
You've got way to much going on and i'm not being disrespectful with everyone needing you but where's the thought off other's concerning what your suffering, as it does'nt seem to be showing or else you'd have mentioned it.
Then there's your job you was happy about getting now being pushed back...there's way to many hands needing you.
I can understand you wanting to help your mom and daughter plus your hubby if he needs you but don't let these situations drain you Rita because lets hope the rush comes to you if you need it.
Love Terry xxx
07-07-2011, 06:38 PM
Just saw this thread, but i replied to the other. All I can say is, I knew it! : )
I hope I dont sound harsh when I say this BUT...
put your foot down woman!! your mother would be best if you taught her how to manage her finances, you are never too old to learn, but like everyone else in your life... if you do it for them or make it seem like you will do it for them, they will never learn. You must suffer from 'if I dont do it, it wont get done right'.
Your daughter sounds like a typical adolescent : ) she is learning independence, it takes time with some of them : P
Your husband!! He should know better! You have spoiled him by the sounds of it. But he is a man... they do expect the woman to take care of them, no matter the circumstances and even if they are as nice as pie in every other way.
I really hope you can move on from being everybodies everything : ) you deserve to be enjoying your life, not wondering who will do what next and have their hand held.