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ritzbit
06-20-2011, 08:03 PM
Started with finding out my dads family, who have avoided taking me on vacations for over a year, is going to Florida and this time kept it a secret from me. Didnt even see my dad yesterday for Fathers Day and was just really mad at him.

I spent more than half my day at the animal hospital today with Ivory (http://forum.wehavelupus.com/album.php?albumid=319). She got out of a 3rd story window and dislocated her leg. We couldnt find her and didnt know she got out. She was in the rain for hours =( She's at the animal hospital for the night. Very crazy day.

Gizmo
06-20-2011, 08:45 PM
Ritz,
Yuck! What a rotten way to start the week.

It continually amazes me how families can treat one another so badly. I am assuming that your parents are divorced and your "dad's family" includes a new wife and kids? That must be really hard to deal with, especially since you didn't get to see him yesterday, and aren't included on vacations. The only words of comfort I have to offer are that I know a lot of kids (and adults who used to be kids) who have had the same thing happen. I don't know why some parents hit midlife and decide to take a "do over," and leave their first families behind. If I am misreading the situation, please forgive me.

You can't let your dad's treatment of you define how you see yourself. He is missing out big time by not including you more, and that stinks for both of you. What is happening is a reflection of how messed up things are in his life - not how valuable you are. I know it's impossible not to be hurt and angry. Maybe when you have had a few days to think about things, you could call him up and invite him to take you out to lunch and (calmly) let him know how much his actions are hurting you. It may be that he thinks that he isn't that important to you anymore, since you are sort of grown up. Do you think your illness has anything to do with what is going on? Maybe he's scared, or doesn't know how to deal with it? Could he be afraid that you will get sicker on vacation and he won't know how to deal with it?

That is one tough kitty you've got there. She must have learned it from you! I bet you both will be very relieved when she can cuddle up in your arms again.

lovedbyHim
06-20-2011, 08:58 PM
Gosh I'm sorry you are having such a rough time with your dad and his family. It hurts when those we love reject us. On top of everything your beloved pet is hurt in such an awful way. I love my dogs like they are toddlers. I hope everything turns out okay for you.

steve.b
06-21-2011, 12:28 AM
my wife has children from her first marriage.
some fathers find it hard to keep intouch with there children, because it reminds them of there past (failed) marriage.

no excuse in my book, but that is unfortunatelly how it happens.
it is not you he is rejecting, but his former life.

Nonna
06-21-2011, 02:19 AM
Ritz, I think everyone has pretty much hit it on the head. Gizmo is quite right. You need to talk to him alone. If you don't keep trying - you may regret it down the road. My own children now see that things were not their fault. They now after many years of trying - understand their father.

There is always hope that once you have your heart to heart things will be better. But please have the heart to heart; it's the best way to go- at least in my book

Hugs, Love and understanding,
Toni

SandyR
06-21-2011, 06:50 AM
my wife has children from her first marriage.
some fathers find it hard to keep intouch with there children, because it reminds them of there past (failed) marriage.

no excuse in my book, but that is unfortunatelly how it happens.
it is not you he is rejecting, but his former life.

This is so spot on, Steve. Being the oldest child of a first marriage I can definitely relate to this. Ritz, I've been in your shoes. I could tell you stories that would really piss you off with how my brother and I were treated by my father and the ways he kept us isolated from family. I can only say don't keep this all bottled in. Talk to him. If he can't or won't open up and change than focus on your relationship with your brothers. Feel free to PM me about this if you want to talk.

ritzbit
06-21-2011, 08:29 AM
Thanks you guys. Its not exactly how it is but its kind of how I feel. My mom and dad never got married, and he got married when I was really little so I've known my step mom since I was like 3 or something. I just feel like they havent wanted me over there for like a year or so and I dont know why. They get all mad when I dont call and stuff but its because Im mad that I wasn't taken on the last 2 or 3 vacations they planned. They planned them during the only weeks I had anything going on all summer, when they really do nothing that would have caused them to need to go those weeks and not another when I could come too. They didnt even tell me about this trip to Florida, I got it out of my little sister when I asked why no one had any plans for Fathers Day; they were packing to leave on Monday. Me and my mom have already decided that their excuse will be that they didnt want me in the sun. BULL. No one but me can make the decision about that. I did alright on vacation at the beach last year with my mom. There were obviously a few times a didnt feel the best and had to go in but it was fun overall. No one can tell me what I can and can not do because of this illness. Theres nothing I CANT do. I can do anything, but need to do it differently or make adjustments. And I know they get on here and read my stuff sometimes so I hope they see this and see how screwed over I feel, and hope they have fun at Seaworld today as was posted on facebook.

And I got bad news on my cat this morning. They had popped her leg back into place and kept her overnight; it didnt stay in. So now they're talking about surgery. This is me and my boyfriends cat, and we already spent all our money yesterday on the visit, xrays, and sedation. We dont know what we're going to do if just popping it back in place again doesnt work. Im overall having a terrible day already and its not even noon.

~LUVMYFLOWERS~
06-21-2011, 12:05 PM
So sorry Ritz, I surley hope you're day and week go's a lot better!!! And wishing good recovery for your cat that it's leg get's better! Sending Big Hug's your way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~Diane~

Gizmo
06-21-2011, 04:54 PM
How is your cat this afternoon? Did popping it in work? How is the financial end of things working out? It's terrible when we have to make decisions based on money.

The situation with your dad is tough and you are obviously really hurt. The only way to work through this, though, is to communicate with your dad. Maybe you need to include your step mom, too, since they are making these decisions together. Punishing your family by withdrawing isn't going to heal anything, and it certainly won't get you an invite on the next vacation. I really admire your strength and independence, Ritz. You are obviously smart, funny, and self confident. I bet you can figure out a way to approach your dad and step mom that will get them to see you as an adult - and a fun person to be with. Maybe take the approach that you want to go on vacations with them because being part of their family is very important to you. If you have half-siblings, you certainly want them to be a part of your life. Maybe set up fun things to do with them, so they want to include you when they do fun things (like vacation), too. Your family situation is complex, and will probably require you to always make an extra effort to stay involved.

ritzbit
06-21-2011, 06:47 PM
My cat has to get surgery in the morning. It popped back out last night and they said that doing it again wont work. Its going to $1000 we dont have. His grandma is helping us pay for the deposit needed to do it, and then we're going to be making payments on it for the next few months. Crazy day and I feel sick. My head is throbbing like you wouldnt believe. It didnt help that the main road to the vet was closed because of all the rain today so we took over an hour to make what should have been a 15 drive. So aggravated and worried about my cat. I had so many other things to do this week too and so far not a thing has gotten done.

BonusMom
06-21-2011, 09:14 PM
I'm sorry about your cat, Ritzbitz, but more importantly, I'm sorry about the hurt feelings that you've had because of an apparent misunderstanding with your Dad and Step-Mom.

As a Mom and BonusMom, I can understand how feelings can get easily get hurt. My kids' dad used to get upset if they didn't call him at least every other day. He didn't accept that they got busy with their homework and activities. He wanted just 5 mins of their time to touch base and say hello. That was when they were 10-13 or so. As they got older, it was habit. They remained close as they went off to college.

The phone line works both ways, as does email. It takes effort on everyone's part, not just one person, to have and maintain a close relationship, whether it's romantic, friendship, parental, siblings or otherwise.

Instead of calling your sister next time and asking her what the plan is for Father's Day or your Dad's B-day, for example, how about you take the lead and propose something like packing a picnic lunch for everyone and telling them what time you'll be picking them up? Your Dad would be impressed with your a) checking to see if there's a plan and, if not b) taking the initiative to plan something and executing said plan.

By having a discussion with your Dad about your feeling of being left our out of vacation plans, you might start a dialogue where your Dad can feel he can be honest with you as well. Your approach, calmness and attitude will dictate, I'm sure, your Dad's openness. I would encourage you to talk to your Dad, alone and when he's not distracted by anything like the TV. Don't approach him when you've had a bad day or upset about something else. Remember, you're trying to build a bridge and heal the relationship. Open heart - open arms.

Believe me, Ritzbitz, this isn't all your doing. I'm not pointing fingers. I'm just making a suggestion to help you start healing the fractured relationship with your Dad because it sounds like your feelings are hurt and I understand.

Don't be stubborn and wait for your Dad to call you first. Show your maturity by taking that first step....

ritzbit
06-22-2011, 11:38 AM
Just found out not only are they on vacation in Florida without me, they are at Disney World. Im pretty livid right now. My cat just got out of surgery ok though and we'll get to bring her home tomorrow. Stress and aggravation does terrible things to my stomach. All I've eaten today is a bagel and I wasn't even hungry, and a few hours later my stomach felt like it exploded. Bad day.

Peridot20_Gem
06-22-2011, 11:46 AM
Ritz,

Sorry to hear about what happened with your dad...it's abit disrespectful to you and i'm so sorry to hear about your cat and i'm a large animal lover and had cats myself and i hope the operation goes well and you'll soon get it payed in no time.

I can't say don't worry to much because if that was my bruno i'd break down.

Hugs Terry xxx

lovedbyHim
06-22-2011, 02:33 PM
Hi Ritzbit, I am still thinking of you. I don't know why those we love the most, hurt us the most, but they do. I'm sorry you hurt. Vent and cry, but don't let others make you sick. Then they harm you twice. I encourage you to write a letter venting all the hurt, go over and modify it as needed. When they return, if you still feel the need to confront them about this, give them the letter. If not, then burn it and release the pain. Getting sick only hurts you not those who hurt you. My motto is, "don't them them hurt you double". I hope this helps as it always helps me. (hugs)

Gizmo
06-22-2011, 03:29 PM
Is your family posting their vacation on Facebook as they go along? If so, block their posts until they get home before you get an ulcer!
You are going to college this fall, right? Look into semester abroad or classes/activities during school breaks in exotic places. Your world is about to open up in ways that are vastly superior to Disney World. I know this hurts - a lot - but you somehow have to find a way to keep it from eating you up. Focusing on the amazing opportunities you have in front of you might help you to move on.

I'm so glad you found a way to help your cat and that she is coming home soon. For her sake, it's a good thing that you are here this week to take care of her.

Gizmo
06-22-2011, 07:06 PM
Ritz, did you ever figure out what is up with the gurgling in your throat? My daughter is having an endoscopy tomorrow and I thought of your problems.

ritzbit
06-22-2011, 07:49 PM
No but its been made worse since all this stress started. I have felt sick to my stomach and haven't really been eating much of anything expect tums.

steve.b
06-22-2011, 11:26 PM
thinking of you.
give your cat a light hug from me.

ritzbit
06-23-2011, 06:47 PM
Get to bring my kitty home tomorrow. I feel much better today. And I finally got things done today, thank goodness.

Gizmo
06-23-2011, 07:02 PM
No but its been made worse since all this stress started. I have felt sick to my stomach and haven't really been eating much of anything expect tums.

Any appointments coming up?

ritzbit
06-23-2011, 07:25 PM
Not til August. I think the 8th.

Gizmo
06-23-2011, 07:52 PM
Not til August. I think the 8th.

With a GI doc? This is my hopeful face (:0)

ritzbit
06-23-2011, 08:07 PM
No with my Rheumy.

lovedbyHim
06-24-2011, 02:06 AM
Hi fits I was thinking about the gurgling in your throat. My son who always has a nervous tummy was put on meds that just made it worse. He developed acid reflux and he would have a gurgling and belching in his throat. He tried all kinds of prescription meds to stop it. He was eventually taken off lithium and it went away. Hope this helps.

I'm so happy your baby is coming home today!

Peridot20_Gem
06-24-2011, 08:31 AM
Hi Ritz,

I hope your ok mate and the sooner your able to get your problem sorted the better, as it sounds so annoying for you.

Terry xxx

ritzbit
06-25-2011, 08:34 AM
Feeling better and now my kitty is home so thats one less thing to worry about. And spoke my mind to my dads sister the other day. Its a start!

392539273926

tgal
06-25-2011, 08:36 AM
Glad the kitty is home safe and sound