View Full Version : I feel like a horrible person

06-06-2011, 10:48 AM
My mother in law called me this morning, my husband cousin wife is in the hospital. That was all the info we got, Kay called and I went onto my soap box. I told her I felt like Death chewed me up and spit me out. I bust out laughing but she didn't, She told me Marcy ( Cousin wife) passed away this morning from cellulitis she left behind 6 kids three of them very young. I feel like crap, sure I didn't know and thanks to the fog I forgot. She told us three days ago (that she was in the hospital). How do I make this up to Brad (Marcy husband) and there kids plus the family.
I need to shut my mouth :-(

06-06-2011, 10:54 AM
Ouch! I wish I could tell you that you are a horrible person and this never happened to me but I cant. Even important things, REALLY important things that I care about deeply get lost in my head. To stop it from happening in the future you might want to get a white board (you know, the ones with erasable markers) and hang it someone that you pass multiple times in a day. I keep mine between the kitchen and dining area. Anything really important that I MUST remember goes on the board. Without it I am mush.

As to the family, the only thing that I can suggest is telling the truth and try making it up now. Explain about your brain and jump in with all four legs. Take them food, go over and be in charge of where to put things that people are bringing, answer phone calls, do whatever it takes to show that this was important it is just that your illness caused an error. They may not understand but you can make it up

06-06-2011, 11:55 AM
Poor thing, I feel bad for you.
You are not a horrible person, you didn't know, that doesn't make you horrible.
There will be an apportunity to explain yourself. Who is Kay? Maybe you can explain it to her.


06-06-2011, 01:16 PM
Hi Lizbond, I'm new here so I don't want to jump in and give you all kinds of advice. I just want to say, we are all humans that make mistakes. It was an accident really. I forgot my daughter at school 3 times in one year when I was sick. I had to apologize and make it up to her and she forgives me. I think Mari is right on. Each morning I awaken I write down all that I can remember to do. What I don't finish gets carried over for tomorrow. I could never do the work I do if I didn't do this. Bless you in your attempts to ask forgiveness.

06-06-2011, 02:02 PM
Thank everyone Kay is my mother in Law and when she called first thing she asked me was how I was feeling, I was being honest and told her. I wish she didn't ask me how I was doing and just told me. I didn't know that she passed away, and three day ago she was doing better. I had my sticky note to send a get well card and I am glad I didn't.

I am off to call brad, Thank you everyone

06-06-2011, 09:11 PM
just be there for brad.

nothing else really matters.
he will not worry what you said to kay.

06-06-2011, 09:26 PM

You had no idea that this had happened when you first spoke on the phone. If you had known the situation you would have certainly reacted like anyone else would have upon receiving such news. But, you just hadn't gotten the news yet. You've done nothing wrong.

06-07-2011, 09:50 PM
Don't beat yourself up. You didn't know she had passed when your MIL called. Do what you can for Brad and his children.

06-07-2011, 10:26 PM
Hi Liz,
This happens to all of us, especially if someone asks that leading question "How are you felling today?" You also can't help the brain fog.
I hope that you can help Brad and all of those children, but don't overdo it and make yourself sick.
My sympathy for your hubby's family.

06-08-2011, 05:34 PM
Thank you all, I did called Brad, the funeral is in AZ, I told him I won't be able to make it due to the heat and traveling that long. I am sending flowers to the funeral home. sadly my Mother in law told him what I said, I told him I was deeply sorry and he was like you guys. I just told him if he needs anything just ask.

I know what everyone is saying but still feel guilt, she was only 42 years old and the three young kids are around my 3 kids age. This friday or Sat is one of there kids birthday. God I felt deeply sorry for there kids :-(