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Cafrin
12-12-2005, 06:04 AM
HELLO EVERYONE

MY NAME IS CATHY AND I AM A NEWBIE..I FOUND THIS SITE LAST NIGHT AND DECIDED TO GIVE IT A GO! I HAVE HAD LUPUS SINCE THE DARK AGES...1981. ALTHOUGH I CAN TRACE THE "GROWING PAINS" AND SEVERE FATIGUE TO MY CHILDHOOD. I HAVE LIVED WITH THIS FOR 24 YEARS UNTIL RECENTLY. I HAVE LITERALLY BEEN KNOCKED ON MY BEHIND BY IT. TO THIS POINT I HAVE BEEN SO LUCKY WITH ONLY 2 HOSPITALIZATIONS, BOTH LUNG INVOLVEMENT. I HATE HOSPITALS (EVEN THOUGH I WORK AS A NURSE IN ONE). NOW I AM ON A LONG TERM LEAVE WAITING TO GET WELL. I AM SO FRUSTRATED AND FEELING USELESS, I USED TO BE ABLE TO WORK LIKE A MAN. NOW ITS A CHORE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. MY HUBBY IS COOKING AND CLEANING ALONG WITH WORKING 6 DAYS A WEEK. I LOVE HIM MORE EVERY DAY... SO HOW DOES A PERSON COPE WITH THE FEELING OF USELESSNESS, THE ISOLATION, MISSING YOUR CO-WORKERS AND LEADING A NORMAL LIFE? I'VE ALWAYS LOOKED AFTER OTHERS AND NOW I NEED LOOKING AFTER....IT SUCKS!!!!

hippimom2
12-12-2005, 03:13 PM
Welcome cafrin. I'm glad you decided to give this forum a try. I know what you mean about feeling useless. I also know what you mean about it being a chore to have to go to the bathroom. I don't think anyone who doesn't have a chronic illness could understand how excrutiating it can be to do something that seems so simple. I also think that as women, we are used to doing for others and are very uncomfortable having others care for us. I have had to keep cutting my work hours and I also wonder how long I will be able to work.

I'm sorry that lupus is taking such a toll on you right now. I hope your time at home helps you recuperate. Visiting this forum has helped me to pass some of my time at home when I am feeling rotten. Take care and I'm glad you are here.

Cafrin
12-13-2005, 01:06 PM
THANKS FOR YOUR WELCOME HIPPIMOM2....YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO BE A HIPPI ! I JUST HAD A BAD DAY YESTERDAY. YOU KNOW WHEN YOUR HEAD IS IN A FOG AND ITS HARD TO TELL IF IT A DREAM OR REALITY. I HATE BEING AT THE MERCY OF THIS THING. I HAVE LIVED FOR 24 YEARS BASICALLY IGNORING IT...NOW ITS GOT ME. I FEEL LIKE A WALKING PILL FACTORY, OH WELL. I ALWAYS GET SUPER STRESSED AT CHRISTMAS. EVERYTHING MUST BE PERFECT AND EVERYONE MUST BE HAPPY..I'M SUCH A CONTROL FREAK PERFECTIONIST THAT I HAVE TALKED MYSELF INTO IT ALL BEING UP TO ME. I HAVE A NIGHTMARE THAT IT IS CHRISTMAS MORNING AND THERE ARE NO GIFTS AND NO FOOD. HOW STUPID...... ANYHOW THIS YEAR I AM DELEGATING. IT IS A JOKE AMONGST THE WOMEN IN OUR FAMILY THAT IF YOU HAVE A PAIR OF THOSE THINGS MEN HAVE YOU DON'T HAVE TO CLEAN UP AFTER DINNER.....I'M MAKING MYSELF A PAIR OUT OF PANTIHOSE (hope this doesn't offend anyone). IT SHOULD GET A LAUGH FROM THE GUYS.
WELL HIPPIMOM I HOPE YOUR DAY WAS A GOOD ONE AND AGAIN I THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND WORDS.......CAFRIN