View Full Version : hard to take care of yourself

05-12-2011, 02:46 PM
Its hard to take care of yourself when, because you are currently "working" your husband thinks you can take care of him and oh jeesh, he sneezed THREE times so obviously he must be coming down with the flu! (his idea, not MINE). The daughter is having boyfriend problems but she's finally reached that point in her life that she realizes mommy does know a thing or 2 about a thing or 2 but now she calls for advice all the time (feast or famine I guess). My electronic gadgets have teamed up to stop working at the same time (so far 3 iPods, a cell phone and a router) and my elderly mother wants my complete and total attention because hey, I'm her only child and I'm OBLIGATED to do her bidding right? Jeez I hope not... and the dog is shedding like crazy so I have to vacuum several times a day and the cat is vying for the title of World's Most Obnoxious Kitty and has an excellent shot at winning. And I have a neighbor who complains that my dog is out off leash - when I take her outside of the fenced in yard, she stays by my side at all times but yet the same neighbor lets her cat roam all over the neighborhood and thinks my flower beds are its personal litter box and my house is constantly getting cluttered yet rarely staying neat if I don't clean it doesn't get done and I can't stand living in clutter and I'm living with a man who is prepositionally challenged as in he puts garbage NEAR the garbage can not IN it and puts his dirty dishes NEXT to the sink instead of in it- you get the idea.

Oh I'm just frazzled out of my mind right now. I'd run away but my lupus is flaring and it hurts too much to run and they'd just find me and haul be back anyway. Yeah, it is hard to take care of yourself when everybody else expects you to take care of them. There is not enough Calgon in the world...

05-12-2011, 04:26 PM
Get in the tub anyway with a lot of scented candles and close the door. How about some music an just shut the world away for a while. I like to hide in romance novels. I'm hiding in the 1100's right now with Knights, Castles and strong willed Ladies in distress. Brush the dog and give him a bath. Carefully throw the cat in the shower or spray it with a spraybottle. that's how my son in law shuts my cat up.

so what there's clutter. One day it will disappear. Hey, No worries, a demain; tomorrow's another day.

hugs and good thoughts

05-12-2011, 07:33 PM
Wonderfully written post. It made me chuckle and nod at the same time. You did wonderfully at explaining "a day in the life" of a lupie. Hope things turn around soon!

05-13-2011, 05:27 AM
can some one please add the link for the spoon theory.
i think ruziska needs to read it. i read my copy regularly.

05-13-2011, 06:36 AM
Oh I feel you girl! But you know what I've learned that If I clean it today, I'll have to do it again tomorrow anyway and why make my bed when no one goes to my room anyway and I've learned to think if I get visit and they find my house is not tidy enough for them let them clean it themselves. I mean don't get me wrong Im not a slob I hate dirt and messes but I try not to fret over the small stuff. I use to be just like you and it took 6 hospitalizations in a 6th month span to realize wow life is short and why do this to myself? Life is so fragile, I don't want to do anything to "break" it. I only have one and I want to live it to the fullest. I want to spend my energy in worthwile stuff. Reading a book for instance, taking a slow walk around the block, visiting a nearby stream, listening to my favorite music while sipping on a glass of wine, taking time to enjoy my children and my dog. Sometimes its easier said than done I know first hand but you must try before you burn out.

05-13-2011, 06:57 AM
Here is the spoon theory. It is written but someone with Lupus and it is wonderful!


05-14-2011, 09:44 PM
It's the curse of being Mom. They all believe that Mom knows everything and can do everything. My kids are all adults and live in different states, but they call me constantly with their problems. I know that it's hard to do, but I guess that we just need to tell them - "Hey, I figured it out when I was your age. Now it's your turn."
The others are right. You just need to relax and take care of yourself a bit. Become a "good enough" housekeeper instead of trying to be Wonder Woman.
I've simplified my life, and I don't stress over the house. When the kitty fur starts forming new kittens, my hubby finally notices and sweeps them up. I've quit complaining at him about some of his bad habits, and surprisingly, he's noticed it himself and started picking up after himself!
Take care,

05-15-2011, 03:54 AM
thats a man thing! not putting rubbish into the bin but next to it... lol

05-15-2011, 04:28 AM
if it wasnt so true............
i could almost take offence to that sort of comment


05-15-2011, 06:53 AM
Thanks for all your comments. I did check out the spoon theory and sent the link to my husband. He gets it, but doesn't get it. His health is amazing. 48 years old with perfect vision, not an ounce of excess body fat (he's a mailman and walks 9 miles a day/5 days a week) and rarely, rarely gets so much as a cold. He simply cannot fathom what my life is like and the fact that I've played the martyr role for most of our our time together hasn't helped. I've always made the mistake of putting everyone and everything first and leaving nothing for myself. That was my own fault; my own choice. A bad choice, but my choice nonetheless. So now I'm trying to change that. My kids have moved out. I technically don't have to take care of them anymore. Whether hubby wants to or not, he is just going to have to learn to take care of himself and me too. He'll have to learn to adjust. Not giving him a choice. The hardest part is my elderly mother. She's 74. She doesn't need outside help- yet. She lives on her own a couple blocks away and is self sufficient. The problem is, I learned my martyr ways from her. She has been living with chronic pain for decades but won't see a doctor. Doesn't believe in them. So she suffers and thinks basically I should "shut up and put up" like she does. Needless to say her quality of life lives a lot to be desired which is her choice I understand that but listening to nonsense from strangers is one thing, putting up with your own mother is another. So I battle on. I battle with my own body fighting the lupus trickster and I battle life around me. I do what I can when I can. That's all any of us can do.

05-15-2011, 08:18 AM
Hi ruziska,

I am really sorry to hear how your having to face alot of things to the full, it sounds like you need some strong support with the help.
Sorry to say this but your hubby may not understand really what situation your in and how much all of this may be getting to you, when the lupus hits you trying to do other things is like a major task and other people or family around you may have their problems but there comes times when you don't need it because physically your need the break. I felt like my hubby did'nt understand at first but he realized more when he saw the blood specialist.
Wow that's hard to have a mother like that but if she believes that way, sometimes they expect their own children to be the same and not sympathy flys you way if you need to chat and express how you feel and your correct where your hubby is concerned adjustment will have to be made because in alot of cases Lupus does'nt always get easier.

Try and chill more mate and take life and jobs at your own body pace i've had to, go back 4yrs i felt 60% ok with my energy but now the lots been wipped away so everything as to be done slowly got no choice.

My thoughts are with you and hoping your coping ok. xxx